I Messed Up

Learning As I Go

Shadow Fin’s memorial tray

I messed up. And the kid was forced to grow up a little faster and a little sooner because of it.

The other day, we lost our beta fish, Shadow Fin, to old age. Little Bean had raised Shadow Fin from a tiny fish from Petco. You can read Shadow Fin’s obit below. It’s been a rough couple days for all of us.

But I should have seen the fish first, should have been more aware. I had every opportunity to do so. I came home before her, walked through the room several times. But I didn’t see him. I wasn’t paying enough attention.

Instead, she went to feed him, and she found him. And she lost it.

I can’t protect her from everything, and a deceased fish is a small thing, I know. But I could have, maybe, prepared her. Maybe made the blow less fierce. But I just wasn’t paying attention.

We worked hard in the aftermath to restore to her some sense of perspective and control; creating a little memorial, helping her draw a memory picture of Shadow Fin, and holding a service in the garden as we buried him. My wife lit a candle and we allowed the candle to burn out on its own, a symbol of the final rest of the soul of the tiny fish crossing over as the candle burns out.

All these rituals and ceremonies help, of course, designed as they are for remembrance and family solidarity.

I know, it’s just a fish. But Little Bean is an emotional soul and she feels things deeply.

And she shouldn’t have found him. I should have. I let her down and it’s been bothering me all day. I’ll try to be more aware, more observant.

Meantime, we move on. Thank you all for being here for us everyday! Go and appreciate your furry or scaly loved ones and we’ll catch you tomorrow.

Obit for Shadow Fin, 3

2021-2024

Manchester, NH - Shadow Fin, age 3, of Manchester, NH died peacefully in his water home on Thursday, July 18, surrounded by his friends and loved ones, including his mother Little Bean who adopted him when he was just a tiny Petco Beta fish.

Shadow Fin lived a long, rich life and enjoyed swimming under his ceramic bridge and visits from his feline sister Lavender and canine brother, Pip.

His mother spoiled him with delicious food pellets and with a suction cup leaf for Christmas which he enjoyed resting on.

For his memorial service, his mother drew a portrait of Shadow Fin which was buried with him, along with his beloved leaf. His place of rest is just outside the window where his tank sat. Several neighbors and his grandparents attended the service and shells and flowers were spread across his grave.

As a memorial contribution, Little Bean asks that you go give love and affection to your pets tonight and, if you wish, to share a picture of them in Shadow Fin’s memory.

Big feelings are normal, it’s ok. We carry on, we remember, we do our best. RIP Shadow Fin.