Some Things Never Change

A Reflection, Or Perhaps Something More Obvious

Illustration of Little Bean by “Uncle” Peter Noonan

Today, a dispatch from the Department of Some Things Never Change.

I had noticed that a group of Little Bean’s friends were heading over to the house, and from afar, one of them, a boy, looked like another of Little Bean’s friends, a girl.

So, I made the entirely awful error of mentioning this as they came into our house.

The other boy of the group laughed, turning to the kid I mistook and said, “Haaa! Mr. Dan thought you were a girl!” Ugh, sorry buddy.

Flashback to last weekend. During the basketball game, a member of the other team teased Little Bean (because of her short hair) by referring to her as he.

My daughter was a bit flustered by this. “Daddy,” she said, “it’s an all girls league, how could she get that wrong.”

I explained that the girl from the other team absolutely knew she was a girl but that was just a form of sports shit talking to get under her skin.

Anyway, this isn’t a gender identity post so don’t go there. For me, those two incidents happening right on top of each other made me realize that kid boy/girl misidentification is still very much a thing. And still a way to tease, bully or harm each other, which kind of sucks.

And also, how much surface level of what is a ‘girl’ and what is a ‘boy’ continues to be part of the early school experience. As an aside, it occurred to me that many of your first reactions to reading this might be, “well duh.” I’ll own that.

Little Bean’s reason for the short hair is basically the same reason for why she doesn’t bother to comb it, or why she wears sweat pants or t-shirts - because she could care less about appearing fashionable. Guess I’ll own that too.

I suspect that will change, it always does to some extent no matter how much we tell her to just be herself and to go with what makes her comfortable and happy.

Secondary aside -it also just occurred to me that for some, being fashionable and adapting to peer pressure could also make one comfortable and happy. So see, we’re all learning and growing here!

Anyway, I no longer have to worry about such things, as my hair has refused to grow since about 1992. I do occasionally let Little Bean paint my nails, though, so I hope that continues.

Either way, I did suggest that respond to the basketball girl on the other team who asked her why she had short hair, with, “I don’t know, why aren’t you a good basketball player?” But I suspect my daughter’s too nice for such things. Probably for the best all around.