"You Shouldn't Read That"

Navigating the Tricky Path of Information Availability

Let’s begin with this - there’s no such thing as theme appropriateness in terms of books. It’s all appropriate. What matters is the age and ability of the reader and the context in which said reader is presented with the book.

Let’s back up.

A couple days ago, I posted about an off-hand, short conversation I had with my seven-year-old about reading, after a friend of hers (another second grader) suggested that a book she wanted to read was inappropriate.

Here’s that full post:

Her: Daddy, ——— said that one of those books is inappropriate.

Me: Oh. Did she say why?

Her: She said because it’s gay.

Me: I see. Do you know what that means?

Her: Kindof?

Me: Ok, I’ll see if the library has it and I’ll bring it home tonight so we can read it.

Her: We can?

Me: Of course! When somebody tells you, you can’t read a book, what’s the very first thing you should do?

Her: Read it!

Me: Read it.

I neither posted that to illustrate my Good Dadness or really as some clarion call against censorship, though based on how the post blew up, was shared and seemed to resonate with people, those two take-aways are what most folks, well, took away from that post.

There’s a lot to unpack here, so I’ll take it all one by one. And remember, this is just me thinking out loud and who am I anyway?

1. I’m not a legendary dad. I try hard, true. I like being a dad, also true. But I’ve always been of the opinion that our daughter hit the parenting jack pot because of her mom, not me. The conversation I had with her comes out of my own background with books and reading. My parents had books. My mom read to me. I started writing in sixth grade. My first job was as a library page when I was 15. My whole career has been that of a writer, editor, reporter or librarian. I know nothing else. I’m not good at anything else.

   So the idea of appropriateness has never staked out any parking space in my head when it came to books. I read “Catcher in the Rye” in fifth grade, Jim Morrison’s biography a year later. (If anything, I could have used some context when reading those at such an early age, but I’ll address that later.) What I’m saying is that it’s not about being her dad, it’s just who I am.

2. This really isn’t about censorship either. There’s some backstory. My daughter was told this by another seven year old. Which book was it? Don’t know. Was it from a related TV show? Don’t know. Was it something that seven year old overheard from another adult, maybe her family? Don’t know, but probably. None of that, though, is the point and none of it is censorship. The point is that this kid, Little Bean’s friend, got that information somewhere (gay = inappropriate) and passed it on to my daughter. And it’s my job - not necessarily my daughter’s - to push back against that. To correct the misinformation if you will. To do that I found a book in the series in question that addressed gay marriage, we read the book together and talked about what “gay” means. That’s it. Done. Will she revisit this conversation with her friend? Also, don’t know. But at least now she’s equipped with a better depth of information and hopefully empathy to understand that when someone says gay = bad, that they are wrong. It also means that this particular friend of hers is now on my radar as someone to keep an eye on, but that’s another story.

   

   Read it all.

   .

3. We often have conversations at the library about where a book should go, for example, about grade levels, about reading ability. As we should. As parents and guardians should. But even that is flexible and needs context. Some read above or below their grade level. Some have different interests. Some need entertainment while some need help. Some just want to sit with a cup of coffee and read a newspaper. Some want to come in and sing Wheels on the Bus as loud as they can. Some adults read YA. Some kids go straight to the adult section.

   I can’t speak for anyone but myself and my own kid, but I know that I have a representative responsibility to help her contextualize the world until she’s able to start doing it herself. Is it in the shade and form and culture of the family and place that she’s growing up in? Sure, though we do actively work to get her (and us) outside our comfort zones. But it’s not the books. It’s us.

4. Finally, I don’t begrudge a seven year old for telling another seven year old that they shouldn’t read a book. That’s not on them. Maybe for that kid, that book IS inappropriate for some reason. But most likely, that comes from someplace else. Which is a shame, true, but not my problem. My problem, as we swing back to the original idea behind this post, is to not let that go unchallenged. My context, my world view, is to make sure she has access to all of it and provide her with a road map to navigate it all. Context. Guidance. I try not to say no. It’s hard sometimes.

   So, we come to the end, I suspect, with nothing resolved, but I guess that might be the point.

   I suppose you’re all wondering what book exactly brought all this on. Which book was Little Bean told was inappropriate?

   The book series: The Baby Sitters Club. The reason, it appears, is because one of the characters has two daddies. That’s it. All this for that.

   In a way, I’m glad her first taste of book policing came from another kid and on a pretty bland, comparatively, subject. That gave us the opening to re-enforce a fairly uncontroversial core value - love is love, something she picks up on without any difficulty. But bigger conversations are yet to come.

   Until then, we’ll stay vigilant, and push back when we have to. We’ll give her attention when she needs it, and set an example when she doesn’t. We’ll carry on, as we always do, and read.