Boy Journal

Will Our Diarist Find Answers?

Late in 2019, a seventh-grader whose name I won’t mention, had a deep, perplexing, obsessive crush on a boy in her class. He was cute and funny she wrote in a diary that she called her Boy Journal.

I know this because someone left that journal as a donation to our Little Free Library, a journal with a glorious illustration of two llamas on the cover.

In careful writing and blue ink, she meticulously - with bullet points - laid out the reasons why she concluded that he, in turn, liked her as well.

“He stares at me a lot.”

“He called me smart.”

“We laugh together.”

“He squirted hand sanitizer on me.”

“He said he hates me.”

All that checks out wouldn’t you say? There are only five pages written on in the journal. The author tells the story of that time when her crush got on the bus and sat with her because there were no other seats available. But even when someone got off and he could move, our author writes, “he said ok, but he never moved.” He stayed with her!

She had a plan to have one of her friends ask the boy if he liked her. Her friend would report back.

But the journal ends.

I mention this as today’s story because, first, the date stands out. I wonder if she ever heard back before the world closed due to Covid? Only weeks after her journal entries, schools would shutter. Did they see each other again before high school?

And second, we’re five years on now and all the players here are out of high school. I wonder if our protagonist is happy these days. I wonder if her crush ever made his feelings clear. I hope so.

Either way, we tore the pages with writing out and the journal now belongs to Little Bean. She hasn’t written anything in it yet.

I have no moral or conclusion to posit out of all this, other than my anxiety that sooner or later my own daughter will be having similar thoughts. Or, maybe somebody will be having those thoughts about her. Someday, but not today.

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UPDATES: Hi everyone! Don’t forget to mark your calendar for 10am on Wednesday, May 22. That’s when Little bean’s big interview feature with Freeze the Fall is going to drop. She's worked hard on the story and is eager to share it with the world. I hope you’ll join us then!