And Then We Are One Less

One Of The Gang Moves On

This morning, over breakfast, Little Bean received a text message from one of her friends: “Good bye, I’m getting on the plane now. We’ll stay in touch.”

A close friend - part of her neighborhood crew, someone whom she had grown up with - was moving away with her family. Across the country. We had helped her set up a group chat with her friend so they could talk and video and stay in touch, but you all know how that goes.

The last week has felt… just sad. Little Deaths the therapists would name these moments of loss, moments we all suffer, moments that are inevitable, but in the cases of kids, they hurt. They’re hard to process. They don’t make sense.

So it was a big feeling sort of day.

And I like this friend a lot. An older sister sort. Polite and a good influence. I kind of had big feelings as well. This was one less positive role model that would be surrounding my daughter.

So we pulled out a map and looked where she was going. We talked about a road trip, or maybe even a vacation to that part of the country. And we talked about setting up times each week for them to talk or to Facetime with each other.

They can even play video games together from 3,000 miles apart.

Friendships come and go. We’re better equipped technologically speaking to deal with big changes like this these days, so who knows. Maybe the bond will persist.

The remaining summer weeks will be strange without her. I’ve grown accustomed to all those kids at my table or in my backyard. We’ll distract. We’ll stay in touch. Mostly, we’ll let her lead and let her have those feelings. I hate it when she’s sad but she’ll have to be for a while, no way to avoid it this time.

School will return, and homework and after-school activities and the distance will fade somewhat and be replaced by other friends and maybe they’ll stay close or maybe they’ll grow apart.

It’s been a day. One of many to come, I know. But we carry on and try our best.